It's Okay to Love From Afar
When we love, we love hard. And if you’re anything like me, you love and baby it hoping that it remains close forever. We have 3 types of relationships in our life, so it doesn’t just signify our most intimate and/or love relationships. Familial represents parents, siblings, and distant family...yes, including those annoying aunts, uncles and cousins. Platonic represents our best friends, acquaintances and can even include those used to be intimate relationships. Intimate represents our spouse, lovers and, yes, even those friends with benefits. If you were raised like I was, you tried to literally baby every relationship that showed up into your life. I was not shown the love, attention or care that I needed and craved as a child. So when I was presented with an opportunity to a relationship, I tried so hard to get a hold of it and not let go. Even if it meant lowering my standards to fit around it. I can literally remember countless of times where I didn’t think I deserved better...or even that I was capable of better. If someone treats you: ...as an outsider. ...as a nobody. ...like you’re a nasty disease. ...like a disturbance. ...as the cause for their despair. It is time to question just how much is that relationship valuable to you. But what if that person is part of your familial relationship? Even then, it is important that you know that you are not the reason for their actions. My problem was I was a young soul who just knew how toxic that relationship was, however, I also couldn’t do much to distance myself from such relationship. Since as far back as I can remember, this relationship was not much of a relationship. I didn’t become “aware” of the severity of it until about 7 or 8. At such a young age I understood a lot more than the average child. However, I couldn’t or chose to just say nothing. That later changed, of course. Not only was I in the middle of an unhealthy relationship at home, but I was also having issues in platonic relationships. In 6th grade, I found it so hard to make friends. I began to get bullied not only by girls, but boys as well. I yearned for the interactions of anyone who would truly listen to me and/or share something positive with me to balance out the negativity in my life. 7th and 8th grade were better, and apparently too good that I cannot remember much of it. *Except on the last day of school 8th grade year where I got punched on the back of my head for god knows what. I actually had friends, however, not many people that I can actually count on. I guess I expected too much of people and, in turn, was disappointed when things just went south. High school was definitely a whole different ball park! I was bullied my whole 9th year, even though I just grew an idgaf bone. I actually had friends and acquaintances, but during this time I never shared too much of anything with anyone. So even if someone knew something about me, I would never share anything else with that same person.
Since I was little, I had a person in my life who once told me to never share too much with anyone. That person also advised me that I shouldn’t show someone how hurt I am. Of course this was all in relation to the one familial relationship that I had an issue with. You can say during the years I grew into a state of mindset where I just didn't have to listen to anyone’s negativity, but in another way I was searching for the attention I wanted and craved. During this time, I began to look for love in all of the wrong places. This is where I began to look for more than just platonic relationships. I’m not going to get into full detail of that part of my life just yet, however, it was definitely a few years of heartache and emptiness, because of all of the high expectations I dumped on others based on what I lacked. As far back as I can remember, I felt alone, confused, and abandoned. All of the things a child shouldn’t even feel at such a young age. But, hey, it happened and I have learned from the experience. I do have to say that the process did not take just a few seconds, hours, days, or years. It took me a loooonnnnggg damn time. It was all based on my subconscious denial. On the surface I believed that just replacing the void with something else was the answer to all of my problems. Although I didn’t quite really know I was doing it. My subconscious was highly aware of the surroundings, but on a conscious level I was not able or ready to deal with it then. It just wasn’t the time. As I’ve come to learn, that GUS (God. Universe. Source.) has set in stone our life path. We go through the life lessons based on our current state of mind, to include the level of expansion in our human form. We come to this earth to learn something we haven’t learned in the past...and until we learn it, we will keep coming back to learn the life lesson. To explain further, I’ve learned that I’ve come to this planet in this lifetime to learn how to love and be loved. It has taken me well into my adulthood to learn such lesson. However, my life had to take the course it took...things happened, people came in and out of my life, and I’m in the place I need to be. I’ve grown into who I’m meant to be...not all based on titles as the unawakened world has perceived it to be. I’m more than just a mother. I’m more than just a wife. I’m more than just a daughter. I’m more than just a sister. I’m more than just a friend. I’m more than just a stranger. I’m more than just a ... I would say 2 years ago today, I lived on titles. I lived, breathed, and worshipped titles. All of the above is all good and well, but in the end what exactly do I gain from adding another title? Where does my name go? Where do I fit in?
As an adult, who has gone through the awakening process, I’ve come to “see” more than just the surface of what I already knew. I’ve recently been going through the relationships in my life. Like I said before, and if I didn’t, it is a continual process. It is still a trial phase, what matters after those triggers and the jealousy, is that you remind yourself that you are who you are because of it. I also have to remind myself that every single person who has come into my life has served a purpose. Whether that was to help me remember something or work through something. I’ve grown to be a better person. I have learned the lesson that I needed to learn. My hardships do not define the person I am today. Those hard times are in my past, but I will carry the lessons with me forever. When I look at people in my life (to include those relationships I grew up in), I saw a cycle that needed to be broken. I was given another chance to learn from the experiences in my life. I refused to continue spinning on a wheel that didn't go anywhere but the same place. I grew tired of going through the same thing. I could have easily chosen to just continue living through this experience the same way again, but I didn’t. It was my time to get away from it all. To use those experiences and become my Higher Self. In order to become my Higher Self, I've had to get through old habits instilled in my psyche. A few years ago, I got immensely triggered by the familial relationship spoken above. While going through the trigger, the words “it’s okay to love from afar” came to me as a whisper. It was the inspiration for the title and the details in this blog post. You can love as hard as you do... You can forgive the way someone treated you... You can move forward trusting in GUS... I wholeheartedly believe that what happened didn’t happen to me, it happened for me. It is all a part of the human experience. A lot of people go through hard times, and they have every right to do as they please with such experiences. However, forgiving and moving on is a part of the process. You don’t condone what happened by forgiving, you are forgiving to give yourself a peace of mind. To remove all of the negativity that holds you back from being your best self. For some time I held on to all of the negativity that happened in my life, even though I kept telling myself the opposite. When I went through my first awakening, I chose to let go. All of those times that I looked for love and attention in the wrong places...I forgave myself. All of those “bad” decisions I made...I forgave myself. All of those times I settled for less...I forgave myself. All of those times I put myself in the worse predicaments...I forgave myself.
All of those times I thought dying was the easy way out...I forgave myself.
All of those times I thought I was the cause for someone else's struggles...I forgave myself. In my adulthood, literally 3 years ago...I forgave myself for all of what I thought were the most embarrassing moments of my life. Moments, that when I thought of just something I said or did, I felt embarrassed at the thought of me “being so stupid”. Just as I forgave myself for all the things I did, I forgave everyone that did something to me. I let go of all the bad taste I had in my mouth when mentioning someone’s name, someone’s way of treating me, and even letting go of the disgust I felt when seeing such person. I send love to every person, because you know what? They were all part of my growth. They each played a valuable part in my life, no matter how ugly or beautiful it may have seemed. Nothing is a coincidence, and everything is a life lesson. As I’ve learned after my awakening, is that it is perfectly okay to love someone from afar.
Whether that's your mother, your father, your sister or brother. Whether it's your best friend or your favorite cousin.
You shouldn't put someone else's needs before your own.
You shouldn't change yourself to fit in.
You shouldn't lower your standards.
Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship.
Ask yourself today, "How are my relationships hindering the love I have for myself?"
Vow to change that today.
I loved sharing this topic with you. If you have any questions, or would love to discuss this topic further, message me on Live Chat.
Light and love always.
Yvonne (Eve)
xoxo