... I Can Still Keep A Secret.
When I was growing up, I used to literally wear my emotions on my sleeve, especially when I was hurt all the time by the person that I thought was supposed to be there all the time. The one who was supposed to reassure me that everything was going to be okay.
I remember sharing these feelings with a very close family member. And what she said afterwards, shaped the way I processed feelings throughout the rest of my childhood and into my adulthood.
Her words, "you never want to show her (or anyone else) how they have hurt you". So I grew up the rest of my life believing that showing my true feelings and emotions was a sign of weakness. I believed that if I just showed one sign of vulnerability that people would take advantage of that.
Trust me, at times it worked in my favor. I was a bad ass cookie who learned how to take care of herself, especially in times of physical or emotional abuse.
Even though this was a coping mechanism for me, it was also an emotional blocker. I say this because I used this mechanism to build a wall for everything that involved feelings.
No one ever knew me, and that's what I wanted. However, it also made it to where I didn't even know myself.
In my adulthood, it made it to where I was afraid to let anyone know too much of me. I didn't want people to get too close. The people that knew, barely knew me at all. And whenever I would meet someone new, I would share what I wanted them to know. I felt that if I shared too much, people would use that vulnerability to their advantage. And although people still took advantage in some way, it wasn't because of the information I shared. It was because I attracted those people into my life based on my perception of people in general.
Sitting here today, I was looking over my Facebook timeline. And the first thing I thought was, "Wow! I really have stopped posting things on Facebook." After a few minutes of thinking this, I ran across something that read "No one needs to know your every move."
Although I believe that both are true...I also believe that sometimes we are too hypocritical of the way we handle certain situations.
It's okay to not post your entire life on Facebook. Hey! Kudos to those that do!
It's okay that not even your best friend knows your most intimate secrets. Hey! Kudos to those that share everything!
It's okay that you choose to make moves behind the scenes. Hey! Kudos to those that share every move they make.
No two paths are the same! So just because you see someone doing something you're not, maybe choose to see where you can learn from. See where it would benefit you to share more of you, if that's what you really want. Don't do it because you want to fit in with everyone else.
Vulnerability is when you choose to sit there and evaluate yourself and see what is the underlying issue. Why aren't you sharing your journey? Why aren't you sharing more of yourself? Most of the time it could be that we are too worried about what others will think of us.
As I have learned through this journey, it is okay to keep a secret. Just don't hide yourself from the world. Who cares what people say and think of you, those people with such a judgmental opinion have not found their true selves.
I had so much fun sharing this with you! If you would like to learn more on this topic, message me on Live Chat. To personally work with me, visit the Work With Me tab.
Yvonne (Eve)
xoxo